


Headlong

by Kispexi2



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-03
Updated: 2010-09-03
Packaged: 2017-10-11 10:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/111268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kispexi2/pseuds/Kispexi2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Warnings: Spoilers for Reload Blast July 2010 'The Other Side' Chapter (no number)</p><p>beta thanks to scribblemoose</p>
    </blockquote>





	Headlong

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: Spoilers for Reload Blast July 2010 'The Other Side' Chapter (no number)
> 
> beta thanks to scribblemoose

Goku is crouched down, building a fire from the bundle of twigs and branches he collected earlier. As he twists around to pluck more sticks from the pile and then back again, he's rock-steady, perfectly balanced, his thigh muscles shifting and flexing sinuously beneath his worn cotton jeans.

It's impossible for Sanzo not to feel those muscles. Not simply to _imagine_ them under his hands - as he has so many, many times before - but to _feel_ them from within, as though they were his own. Because, for a brief while, they were and the memory lingers on, vivid and unshakable.

That's the worst thing about swapping bodies with someone.

Goku strikes a match and the smell of sulphur is sudden, sharp. He leans in to let the flame lick at the dry leaves he's stuffed in amongst the kindling, rising up a little on the balls of his feet as he does so, butt muscles visibly tightening. Some of the leaves catch alight instantly and he puffs on them gently, breathing the fire into life.

Sanzo swallows hard and digs into a pocket for his cigarettes. He was wrong: the worst thing about swapping bodies with someone isn't the way the feel of them clings to your consciousness; it's not even the inevitable comparisons you find yourself making between your own puny human form and their effortlessly strong and graceful one; it's the knowing what that other body wants. What it plans to _have_.

The fire is roaring now, the dry leaves all aflame and the thicker branches starting to smoke. Goku sits back on his heels and without turning around, says quietly, "Sanzo, we need to talk."

"No," Sanzo says firmly. "We _don't_." And before Goku can argue or wheedle, he gets to his feet and walks away.  


\------------

  
Sometime during the night, Sanzo awakens. Everything is peaceful, still. Hakkai and Gojyo lie stretched out side by side, under the same blanket, and Goku is curled up in a ball, sleeping bag pulled right up to his ears. His face, turned towards Sanzo in sleep, is illuminated by the last rosy embers of the fire and the curve of his body is picked out by the milky light of a fat, full moon.

The temptation to touch him is overwhelming.

Sanzo grits his teeth.

The worst thing about having been inside someone's body is the way it makes you ache, in all kinds of ways you've only ever half-done before.  


\------------

  
"Sanzo ..."

"_No_."

Goku's expression turns from hopeful to sulky. His brow furrows and his bottom lip sticks out. "You don't even know what I was gonna say!"

But Sanzo _does_. Goku was going to push for more, like he always does, but not for food this time, nor anything so easily granted, but for more of Sanzo, more of whatever this thing is between them.

The worst of it is that Sanzo's store of reasons why he can't – _won't_ \- is fast diminishing. He can't tell himself that Goku doesn't know what he asking for, or that it's just a crush that Goku will grow out of, because he's been in Goku's body and he's felt it, felt Goku's love running centuries deep through his veins, animating every last cell of him.

The worst thing about having swapped bodies with someone is that there's no doubt any more. No hiding behind 'what ifs' and 'maybes'. No telling yourself that perhaps you've misinterpreted.

Because you _know_.  


\------------

  
The morning's drizzle has turned to heavy rain. It's hammering down on them painfully but they're ploughing on regardless, shoulders hunched, heads down.

Goku's left boot strikes the ground alongside Sanzo's right. He must have dropped back to fall into step with him. A shiver that has nothing to do with the weather goes up Sanzo's spine.

"Don't say anything," Goku says, keeping perfect pace. "Just listen, okay?"

If the weather weren't so atrocious, and his fan not made of paper, Sanzo would hit Goku with it right now. Except he wouldn't, because now he knows the effect it has on him. It's not that Goku likes it exactly, but he sure as hell doesn't hate it.

"I know you think I only like you because I never meet anyone else," Goku continues, "but that's not true. And lots of people like me, girls included."

"Bully for you," Sanzo snaps, wincing at a stab of jealousy. "Why don't you piss the hell off with one of them then, and leave me alone?"

Goku ignores him. "I know you think you'll make me miserable because you can't do all the nice things lovers are supposed to-"

"Lovers?! We are _not_-"

"No," Goku agrees, and for a moment his voice is wistful, before resuming its usual upbeat and determined tone. "I know you're not ready yet. I know you trust me, but you don't trust yourself, and you don't want to get side-tracked, or end up hurting me, but it's okay, Sanzo. I'll wait. Because you _will_ be ready, one day. I know. I've felt it."

Dammit, Sanzo's been wrong all along. The worse thing about swapping bodies with someone isn't what you learn about them; it's what _they_ learn about _you_. Or what they _think_ they learn.

He stops walking, glaring at Goku when he stops too. "You don't know anything, monkey."

Goku sticks his jaw out defiantly. "I don't?" There are rain drops clinging to his eyelashes, and glistening on his lips, and before he can say another damn thing, Sanzo grabs him by the shoulders and kisses him.

The kiss goes on longer – much longer – than Sanzo had intended, and when he finally pulls away, he's almost as breathless as Goku.

Goku touches two incredulous fingers to his lips.. "But … you weren't … ready ..."

Sanzo cuffs him gently around the head. "Idiot. I've told you before: I'm not the same man today as I was yesterday."

Goku smiles. "You are to me."

Sanzo clicks his tongue. "That's because you're a pea-brain," he says, pulling his rain-sodden blanket up over his head again.

It wouldn't do for Goku to know he's smiling too.  


\------END------

  



End file.
